Life is never a solo flight, and relationships are an inescapable reality of life for individuals, organizations and nations. Independence is great but interdependence is even greater. It does not matter how talented and well endowed you are, in order to succeed it is imperative that you win with people. The greatest challenges that most people will ever face will be relationship centered. Customers and suppliers; subordinates and bosses; fianc├ęs and spouses; friends and foes; employers and employees; rivals and allies; candidates and electors, they are all people. Aren’t they? For better or for worse our fortunes are forever linked to them. With them or because of them we win and sometimes lose; we rise and unfortunately sometimes fall.

To a large extend the condition of our relationships in their various forms affects our emotions daily. Our emotions in turn have a huge bearing on whether or not we achieve peak performance. It behooves everyone who desires to succeed and win consistently to pay special attention to relationship mastery. For this reason the Winners’ Code brings you the golden rules of succeeding through emotional intelligence. They are uncommon as they are unconventional, but they have transformative power. Let’s begin.

v Don’t play fair.

The wicked loser plays unfairly; the mediocre plays fairly but winners don’t play fair. Playing unfairly entails a disproportionate response or outrageous deception. Most normal people do not choose this route. It is the realm of the loser.

Playing fairly means that all actions are weighed and it is given to each according to what they deserve. Most relationships and compensation arrangements, business or otherwise, are predicated on this principle. This is the realm of the mediocre.

A balance sheet of favors bestowed and favors received is kept in the heart. This leads to one good turn deserving another as the common wisdom of the ages teaches. The problem is that it creates a sense of obligation and entitlement. The giver feels entitled to receive something for their efforts, while the receiver feels obliged to reciprocate in some way. This sounds fair, and indeed it is fair. Winfair88

However, disappointment and dissonance are inevitable with this arrangement. With everyone keeping records of favors bestowed and received meticulously like a score board, somebody is bound to be disappointed. And that often comes on the day that one feels that their efforts are not being reciprocated, and their good deeds are not being returned, or they are getting a slap in the face for their efforts. There is a crisis of expectations and the deal ceases to be fair. Relationship breakdown follows soon after.

Playing fairly also means the scores should be evened out. Put rather dramatically this translates to “a tooth for tooth and an eye for an eye.” Unfortunately this makes us all toothless and visionless. Worse it makes us victims of relationship attrition, and not winners. The reasoning goes something like this-“He forgot my birthday, so I will withhold the favors I normally do him. They did not give us a bonus, so we will apply ourselves less diligently. They did not support my motion so I withdraw the perks and patronage that only I can dispense. They are not paying a good price; hence I should reduce the value added to the product. She messed up so she must face the music and consequences.”

Admittedly, criminal laws are sometimes vengeful and retribustionistic in that they will punish you for your misdeeds and iniquities. However, no lasting and magnificent relationship can ever be built on vengeance or fairness for that matter.

It is amazing that when it comes to relationships those that have short memories and suffer from amnesia, suddenly develop perfect memories. Even those that could never get one date correct in history classes seem never to forget a simple offense and hurt. Once offended they never forget and they never forgive. They play fair to their detriment.

Winners don’t play fair and do not give to people what they deserve. Further more winners do not even treat people as they would have people treat them or satisfy their customers for that matter. In business winners do not deliver what has been ordered and paid for. Even more they do not fulfill promises, and neither do they act according to expectations. They do not even work for what they earn. On the face of it, this sounds extremely counterintuitive but it is the truth; and nothing else but the truth. This is the uncommon wisdom of winners. Take heed.